Sheryl Crow Cannot 'Spare a Square' BBC News: "Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment. Crow has suggested using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". The 45-year-old, who made the comments on her website, has just toured the US on a biodiesel-powered bus to raise awareness about climate change."

Words fail me. Let me at least muster something...

- Sheryl Crow has too much time on her hands. Please, someone buy some of her records and concert tickets.

- Does Sheryl offer hands-on demonstrations of how an average person can actually take care of his or her paperwork with a single square of tissue?

- Will some recording artist please make fun of Sheryl by writing a song and shooting a video about this ordeal?

- Is this a real news article or a late April Fools joke? Perhaps the BBC is poking fun at their trans-Atlantic neighbors?

- I would love to see a press conference from Toilet Paper Executives, denouncing Sheryl, asking us all to double and triple wipe, whatever it takes to separate us from lower animals.

- The Onion should be very afraid. With 'real' news stories of this caliber, their very existence is in jeopardy.

UPDATE: Thankfully, this turned out to be a joke. Sheryl wanted to raise awareness for Global Warming, and this was her method. It worked.